The Divorce Talk: How to Tell the Kids

A Parent’s Guide to Breaking the News without Breaking Their Hearts

Divorce: How to Tell the Kids | Vikki StarkAre you on the verge of telling your children you’re getting divorced? You must read this book!

Are you worried sick that telling your kids about your upcoming divorce or separation will do them damage? Are you up at night obsessing about how and when to tell them? Have you been thinking about scheduling a session with a counselor to advise you? Do you wish you could have the peace of mind that comes from knowing how to do this right?

I’m Vikki Stark and I’ve been a family therapist for over thirty years. Parents often come to me for that one anguished session: how to tell the kids about their upcoming separation. The Divorce Talk: How to Tell the Kids is the definitive guide recommended by divorce lawyers that teaches you step-by-step how to tell your kids in a way that will reduce the risk of trauma and help them transition more smoothly through the process. Based on interviews with over one hundred children whose parents divorced, the book is like a letter from your own children telling you what they need. You’ll hear in the actual stories of children who’ve lived it what hurts and what helps, so you’ll know how to tell them the right way.


Imagine walking into that important conversation feeling totally confident about what to say to the kids… and how to say it. You’ll have strategies for managing your own emotions during this difficult process. Most importantly you’ll have the tools to respond properly to however your child reacts to the news. Let me guide you, as I have with many other parents in your situation, so you can break the news to your kids without breaking their hearts.

A message from Vikki:


There’s a lot of information on the Internet about how to tell your kids about your upcoming divorce but surprisingly little about how to limit the risk of trauma once you’ve told them. You can learn to say the perfect words and follow the perfect script, but if you’re not attuned to your child and not informed about how to sensitively handle his reaction, all that preparation doesn’t cushion the blow. The Divorce Talk: How to Tell the Kids is a guide for parents about how to best approach revealing to your kids the news of a divorce. This is an invaluable divorce resource that not only covers the technical stuff – when, how and what to say – as well as specific issues, such as dealing with affairs and how to handle blame. But the core of the book is that it helps you learn how to manage your own emotions and those of your children, because, finally, isn’t that what it’s all about? Staying close and connected to your children, even in these hard times? It’ll help you learn how to break the news without breaking their hearts.

In The Divorce Talk: How to Tell the Kids, you will learn:

  • The seven steps for breaking the news that will reduce the risk of trauma.
  • How to manage your own emotions and work with your spouse in spite of your anger or hurt.
  • To understand what divorce means to children.
  • How to deal with blame, affairs and how honest to be.
  • How to choose the who, what, when and where of the telling.
  • The skill of an attuned response to your children’s emotions that supports and comforts them.

“A rich, loving, and deeply comforting guide to parents determined to steer their children safely through the trauma of divorce.”

-Adele Faber, co-author of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

“We found this book absolutely invaluable in telling our 7-year old daughter about our impending separation. It caused us to completely change our game plan in how we told her, allowing us to be much more in tune with her needs and less caught up with our own. It outlined some effective, simple techniques to tell her what was going to be happening to our family. I really do attribute the fact this separation has gone much easier than I could have imagined to the preparation we undertook by reading your book.”


“In this easy to read book Vikki  gives you tips about managing your own emotions, keeping the children out of the conflict and being attuned with your children. In short, this book can help parents be their best selves as they help their children during this difficult time.”

-Jeff Zimmerman, Ph.D., ABPP, co-author of The Co-Parenting Survival Guide

“This gem of a book is obviously written by a therapist with a deep understanding of the subject. It is a “how to” book that also offers important insights on the profound emotions that are part of this journey. Every divorcing couple should read it!”

-Carolyn Badger, PhD., Psychologist

“Simply stated, “The Divorce Talk: How to Tell the Kids” should be considered a “must read” for any father or mother engaged in or considering a separation or a divorce and needing to break the news to the children.”

-Helen Dumont, Reviewer, Midwest Book Review Bookwatch

vik-picAbout the Author, Vikki Stark, MSW

Vikki Stark is an internationally known divorce recovery expert and psychotherapist. She has been a guest on The Today Show and Oprah Radio, featured in USA Today, Time Magazine and Family Circle and writes a blog for Psychology Today. She is the author of My Sister, My Self and Runaway Husbands. Vikki featured in media




Shelf Media Group voted The Divorce Talk: How to Tell the Kids as one of 100 best books by independent authors in 2016.  

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